Monday, February 19, 2007
Blog carnivals: How to become a carnival pariah
So you want to become a carnival persona non grata?
No problem. Here's how.
Blog carnivals are a great way to get the word out to the blogging community about your blog. Carnival visitors click the link through to your entered post and very often stick around to read more of your postings. At the same time, you are contributing to the success of the chosen carnival.
Of course, that is all well and good for the dogooders of the blogosphere. You know who they are. They are the namby-pamby helpful types, who are probably broke, because they don't exploit a weakness when they see one. You are much smarter than that, of course. The carnivals are there for your benefit, and you don't intend to pass up a free lunch.
1. Write a purely sales oriented post. In fact, make it simply blatant over the top hucksterism. The carnival host won't notice. They never read the entries anyway, right? You might even sell a couple of your get rich quick scams, oops, I mean your powerful business opportunities in emerging markets. There's a sucker, oops, I mean there is a hard working entrepreneur, born every minute.
2. Enter every carnival you can find. Who cares what the theme of the carnival is alleged to support. Your dodgy product is as useful to a cat blogger as it is to a hobby or food blogger. You are smarter than the host, and definitely smarter than the readership. It's all about the links baby.
3. The same post is good for every single carnival. Economize your words, and send one post to a hundred carnivals. Even better, use the same post with a different title week after week. The hosts and readers will never know the difference, and you save a ton of work. You know your time is more valuable than other peoples' time.
4. Never ever link back to a carnival. One of the reasons for the entry in the first place is the Google juice. You want inbound links for SEO and you are not sucker enough to share. You know all about things like "leakage" and that's not happening to you. After all, your spam blog needs the SEO power to rank number one for get rich quick...umm...opportunities.
5. Brag about your carnival know how at every opportunity. Sell the idea as part of your program. After all, you don't want to waste any chance to mine a few bucks from someone else's work. They are all suckers anyway, with their carefully selected posts and links back to the carnival. Who needs that hassle? Just take the traffic, and the links, and run.
5. If any of the hosts catch on, and since most of them are not as smart as you are, they probably won't, simply start a new splog. Transfer the same spam posts to the new...ummm...informative business opportunity blog, and do the carnival routine again. You know you are always at least ten steps ahead of the rest of the great unwashed blogging types anyway. After all, how hard can it be to fool someone who works in their pajamas, right?
While there are more ways to use the blog carnival concept as part of your racket, you don't want to give all of your best ideas away. After all, you need to sell them to the visitors who innocently click through to your splog.
Get rich quick, the blog carnival way.
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